


Craigslist Interlude: Happy Birthday, Christian Ward

by Overdressedtokill (SkyeStan)



Series: Craigslist AU [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, WASP Wards, World's Biggest Nerd Maynard Christian Ward V
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 03:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4124190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyeStan/pseuds/Overdressedtokill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maynard Christian "Mayonnaise" Ward V turns 30.  Which is weird, since he seems at least 102.  You know.  Personality-wise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Craigslist Interlude: Happy Birthday, Christian Ward

“Okay,” Skye says, hopping out onto the pool deck.“Am I showing yet?”She’d only picked her stringiest bikini for the occasion in the hopes that she was.She throws her arms out as Grant turns a particularly lovely shade of pink.

“Not yet,” Anna says, putting the cake down on the poolside table.She was nice enough to ask the bakery to write _Happy Birthday, Christian_ , on the cake, whereas Skye would’ve gone with the far more tasteful _Happy Birthday, Mayonnaise V_.  

Skye pouts.“You’re not looking.”

Anna gracefully turns her gaze towards Skye.Gives her a once over.“It’s certainly Christian’s birthday, alright,” she says.

Thomas laughs as Skye feels her cheeks go hot.“That wasn’t- I didn’t-”

“I’m just giving you a hard time,” Anna says.“You look fine.”

“You look great,” Grant offers.“Very orange.”

She gives a twirl.“I wanted to show off my bump, though,” she says, as her hair settles around her shoulders.She places her hands over her stomach. “Show off little Maynard the Sixth.”

“We’re not naming the baby that,” Grant says.“What if we have a girl?Or a boy that we don’t hate?”

“Fair point,” Skye says.

“It’s a charming name,” Anna says.

“You’re legally required to say that,” Thomas says.He’s set up shop in the lounge chair closest to the pool, Ray-Bans already perched on his face.“Since you’re Mrs. Maynard Christian Ward V.”

“And that means you can take your sunglasses off when you’re talking to me,” Anna says.“Or did you forget I was the Mrs?”

Thomas lets out no less than three offended noises in succession.“Whatever, Mom,” he says, taking his sunglasses off.“I guess I’ll just burn my eyeballs out, staring at the sun.”

“I guess so,” Anna says.“I’m going to go get the candles.Grant, could you help me get the drinks?”

Grant, who hasn’t stopped staring at his girlfriend since she walked out onto the deck, still doesn’t manage to pull his eyes away from Skye’s boobs.“Hm?”

“Drinks,” Anna says.“You. Me.Birthday party for Christian.”

Grant blinks.“Oh!” he says.“Right!”

“Go,” Skye says.She’s already decided that she’s gonna take over Thomas’ lounge chair.“I’ll probably have thrown Thomas in the pool by the time you get back.”

“Not if I throw you in first!” Thomas says.

Grant whips his head towards Thomas with a very sharp glare.“Do not even think about it,” Grant says.“She’s with child.”

Thomas raises his hands in surrender.“So we’re establishing the chill level at negative seven, then?”

“I’m fine,” Skye says, moving to pinch Grant’s arm.“He was just teasing.”

“And for the record,” Anna says.“No swimming until Christian gets here.”

Skye and Thomas manage to groan at the same time.

 

Skye waits until the click of Anna’s heels no longer echoes in across the pool deck before tossing herself onto Thomas’ chair.

“Excuse you,” Thomas says, nudging her with her knee.“I’m sitting here.”

“Give up your seat for the pregnant lady,” Skye says, shoving at him.“I get priority.”

“You aren’t even showing yet!” Thomas says.“You are such a brat.”

“A brat carrying-” She rubs her stomach.Makes her expression as serious as she can manage.“The heir to an empire.”

“Get off my chaaaair,” Thomas says.“Oh my God.”

Skye dissolves into giggles.“I can’t believe Christian’s only 30,” Skye says.“He feels at least like, 47.”

“Yeah,” Thomas says.“He’s always seemed like, super-old.Even when we were little, he was all grown up.”

A frown.“That’s kind of sad, actually,” Skye says.

“Well, he is,” Thomas levels his gaze with hers.“The heir to an empire.”

Skye snickers.“But like,” she’s still holding her stomach, she realizes.“I don’t want that to be my baby.I don’t want this child to have all that pressure.”

“You and Grant are not my parents, first of all,” Thomas says, placing one of his hands over hers.“You’re not going to do what they did to Christian.”

“But what if it’s just inevitable?” Skye asks.“What if it’s the curse of the first born?”

Thomas pulls his mouth into a line.“I don’t think that’s fair,” he says.“And I mean, Christian’s not all miserable.Hasn’t been, since he and Anna got back together.”

“Don’t be a tight-ass,” Skye whispers, to her stomach.Thomas laughs.“Do you hear me?You’re gonna be super chill and I’m gonna be a great mom.”

“You will be!” Thomas says.“You can’t be any worse than what we grew up with.”

She gently pats her stomach.“Or no mom at all.”

“Yeah,” Thomas says.“You’re gonna be good at this, Skye.Don’t worry.”

She smiles.Mostly at her baby, who can’t see her or hear her yet.But also at Thomas, a little.Not too much.He’s very smug.

 

“Car’s coming!” Grant calls, rushing onto the pool deck with a clattering silver drink tray.

And by drinks, Skye realizes Anna meant fancy iced teas in crystal glasses.

Naturally.

“Don’t run with those,” Anna says.“They were my grandmother’s.”

“Sorry,” Grant says, pulling the tray more tightly to his chest.  

Skye giggles.“Are we hiding?” she asks.

Anna shrugs.“Maybe we should all just stand by the cake,” she says.“Not a lot of places to hide out here.”

“Quick!” Thomas yells.“Everyone into the pool shed!”

“I think my idea’s better,” Anna says.

“Do you hate me?” Thomas asks her.“Or do you just hate fun?”

Anna gives an amused smile.“Both, I suppose.”

“This family is a wreck,” Skye says, getting up from the lounge chair.“We’ll all stand behind the cake.No piling in the pool shed.”

“Boo,” Thomas says.He lets Skye pull him out of the chair anyway.“This party is awful.No booze, no pool sheds, no swimming until-”

“Shh!” Grant says, gesturing at the both of them.“I can hear them.”

Skye finds her place by Grant’s side.Quite honestly, they probably wouldn’t have been able to fit in the pool shed.Both brothers are over 6’.Stupid tall boys and their stupid tall genes.

 

Rose’s lilting voice carries through the hall, happy enough to make Skye preemptively grin with excitement.“I just wanna go in the pool,” Rose says.“Please?”

“You don’t have your bathing suit on, Rosie,” Christian says.“We can go back to Mother’s and get you one, but I don’t think-”

“Really quick, Christian,” she repeats. 

Skye can feel the puppy eyes Rose must be giving him.

“Fine,” he relents.“Fine.But don’t get your dress wet.It’s dry clean only and Mother will kill me.”

Rose laughs.

And the footsteps grow nearer, and nearer, until-

“You’re thirty!” Skye yells, over the others yelling ‘Surprise!’

“Oh,” Christian says, blinking at them.Rose spins in delight.Runs over to them, so that Thomas can wrap her into a hug.

“You did so good, Rosie!” Thomas says.“We got him!”

Rose tosses her head back while she laughs.“We got Christian!” she says.“Surprise, Christian!”

 

 

He’s still just standing there.In a pair of topsiders and pink shorts.Skye’s so glad he’s always been everything they make fun of him for being.

“Well?” Anna says, gesturing with her hands.“We even put streamers up.”

“It looks,” he says.Stares at his wife.“It looks really wonderful, Anna.”

“Oh no,” Thomas says.“He’s going to have an emotion.”

“Thirty’s a big year,” Anna says.“I thought you deserved something special.”

“You planned this?” he asks.

“The whole thing,” she tells him.“Not that it took much work to get the only five people you like in a room together.”

“Anna,” he says, so sweetly that Skye has to wrinkle her nose.

“I feel dirty just watching this,” she whispers.

“Tell me about it,” Thomas says.

“It’s just weird,” Grant adds.

Weirder still is the dainty, pointed way in which Anna moves out from behind the table.She approaches Christian with her arms at her sides and her high heels still clacking.

Skye had thought herself kind of little next to Grant.But even in heels, Christian dwarfs Anna.

“Happy Birthday, Christian,” Anna says.

“Thank you, Anna,” he replies.

She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him smack on the lips.Which is disturbing enough.Worse is how Christian grabs her ass through the fabric of her dress, and the delighted little noise Anna makes when he does.

Also, that Christian growls when he kisses.

“I’m dead,” Thomas says.“This has killed me.I died miserable and frightened.”

“Don’t look, Rosie,” Grant says, reaching to cover his sister’s eyes.

“It’s sweet!” Rose protests.“Christian’s in love!”

“Why can’t the two of you be more like her?” Skye asks.

“Because Rosie has the purest heart in the world,” Thomas says.“Duh.”

Rose giggles at the compliment.

 

 

“Okay,” Skye says, picking up the silver cake cutter from the table.“Christian, come blow out your candles so I can eat like, half of this cake.”

He and Anna break apart.When he looks at them over his wife’s head, Skye notices his mouth is smeared with her lipstick.“Oh,” he says.“Right.Sure.”

“You are so like your brother,” Skye says, elbowing Grant in the ribs.

“Psh,” Grant says.“I’m a better kisser.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Skye teases.“Do you want me to ask Christian if we should test it? Bet you five dollars Anna’s into it.”

“Nope,” Thomas says.“No. Nope.Never say that again.”

“Kissing’s weird,” Rose says, decidedly.

“It is weird,” Grant says.“This whole thing is weird.”

Christian and Anna come back to the table, smoothing their clothes.Christian offers Anna his handkerchief to wipe her mouth with, and she gladly accepts.He just uses one of the cocktail napkins on the table.

“You surprised me quite a bit, little lady,” Christian says, switching from Anna’s Christian to older brother again.He bops Rose lightly on the nose.

“They told me it was a surprise!” she says.“I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“And you didn’t!” Christian says.“We’re very proud of you, baby.”

Rose fondly smiles up at her brother.“Can I help blow out the candles?”

“Of course you can!” Christian says.“C’mere.”He motions for her to join him on his side of the table.

“Thirty’s old,” Rose says.“Not Gramsy old.But old.”

“You’ll be thirty one day, Rosie,” he says.“But not for a long time.”

“I want a party just like this one!” Rose says.“With you and Grant and Thomas and Anna and Skye and babies!”

The brothers look at each other.“Your babies?” Christian asks.“Or-”

“Skye’s babies, silly,” she says.

“Not that you can never have a child, Rose,” Christian says.“You’re just so young, you know how we worry and-”

“Just light the candles,” Skye says.“She’s fine.”

Rosie takes the lull in activity to swipe a bit of frosting off the cake and lick it off her finger.

Skye follows suit.

“Skye!” Christian protests, as Anna sets the ‘3’ and ‘0’ candles into the cake.

Skye makes a noise of mock-hurt.“She started it!” Skye says, pointing to Rose.“She’s too sneaky, is all.”She gives Rose a wink.

Christian hugs Rose to his chest.“If she did, it’s just because you’re a bad influence,” he teases.“Licking frostings off cakes.”

“And getting pregnant,” Skye says.“Can’t forget getting pregnant.”

The boys stare at her for a beat.

“Skye’s the best,” Rose says.“Don’t be mean to Skye.”

“You hear that?” Skye says, taking another swipe of frosting.“I’m the best, fiver.”

“Oh good, we’re bringing that nickname back?” he says.

“Can we just sing happy birthday?” Anna asks.“Honestly.The two of you are exhausting.”

Christian grins at her.Lopsided and love-struck and very unlike him.“Of course.”

 

 

They sing.It’s horrible and out of tune, but Christian and Rose blow out the candles together, so that’s all that really counts.

“Thomas?” Grant says, suddenly.

“Grant?” Thomas says.

Skye turns to look at them.“What are you two-”

Except they’ve already lunged for their older brother, grabbing him by the arms and pulling him towards the pool.

“Stop!” Christian protests.“You two are absolutely unbelievable, I just got this shirt, I cannot understand why-”

“Oh, like you and Thomas wouldn’t do this to me,” Grant says.

Christian wiggles against him.“I would never-”

“You threw me into the pool last year!” Thomas says.

“I pushed you in,” Christian says.“By accident!”

“It was traumatic,” Thomas says. “Deeply.I’m scared for life.Not as much as I was scared today, but-”

“You’re perfectly fine,” Christian grumbles.“You’re always so damn dramatic, Thomas.”

“Oh, quiet,” Grant says. “Both of you.”

Skye laughs as Christian’s two, loving brothers throw him into the pool.Mainly because the indignant squawk Christian lets out is the funniest thing she’s ever heard.

“Pool time!” Rosie says.

“Grant and I grabbed you a spare bathing suit, sweetie,” Skye says, placing a soft hand on Rose’s shoulder. “You wanna take my bag and go change?”

“Yeah, I should probably go borrow one of Christian’s swimsuits,” Thomas says, standing at the edge of the pool.

“Same,” Grant says.“Come on, Rose-”

Which is exactly when Christian grabs them by their ankles and pulls them into the water with them.

And if Skye thought Christian getting thrown in was funny, then this is fucking hilarious.

Christian gives a smug grin, and pulls himself out of the pool.

Skye’s never actually noticed this, but with his clothes clinging to him, he’s got a rather nice body.Like a 1920s strongman.Certainly not what she’d thought he’d look like.

“Oh,” Anna says.“Darling, you’re soaked through.”She’s at Christian’s side, putting her hands all over his wet chest.“Come on, I’ll help you get changed.”

“Ew,” Thomas says, as loudly as he can.

“Thank you, Anna,” he says.“I think I require a little extra help.”

“Oh, God,” Thomas says.“Just let me drown.”

Skye rolls her eyes.“Go change, Rosie,” Skye says.“I’ll be in the pool when you get back.”

Rose smiles a little too knowingly.“But not where Christian’s changing!”

Skye and Grant both burst into laughter.

“See!” Thomas yells, from the pool.“You’re ruined Rose’s young life!”

“Rose is fine,” Skye says.

“Yeah, Thomas,” Rose says, picking up Skye’s bag.“I’m fine.”She happily goes off to the bathroom to change, leaving Skye and the boys.

 

Skye plops herself down at the edge of the pool.Dips her legs in the water. 

Grant swims over to her, still in his clothes, and rests himself firmly between her legs.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi,” he says, wet, black hair slicked to his head.“You look great.Showing or not.”

“Soon, though,” Skye says.“A few more weeks.”

He leans his head in to rest against her ribcage.“Hi, baby,” he whispers.“Can you hear me yet?”

“Grant,” Skye teases, running her hand through his wet hair.

He kisses her right below her navel.She swallows the gasp that runs through her.“I love you,” he says.He kisses her again.“And I love you, Skye,” he says.

“I love you,” she whispers, cupping his cheeks.“You’re going to be an amazing father.”

“Hey,” Thomas calls, over Grant’s shoulder.“If you’re gonna go down on your girlfriend, can you at least be like Christian and go do it on his bed, or something?”

“Thomas,” Grant says.Almost whines.“You’re ruining the moment.”

“Oh well,” Thomas says.“I’m sure you’ll never recover.”

“Never,” Skye recovers.“The trauma of this day will never fade.”

Grant laughs.“Skye,” he says, fondly.Adoringly.“Come into the pool?”

She smiles.  

Nods. 

He’s going to be such a perfect father.She just has to figure out to keep up.

“Skye?” 

She happily falls into his arms.

 

 


End file.
